Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Three years later

I opened my eyes and looked around at three stark white empty walls that I didn't recognize, and I considered going back to sleep, for as long as possible.

I didn't want to deal with the fact that I had just moved away from all that I knew.

 I didn't want to think about the day before when my family and friends drove away.

I didn't want to deal with the reality of not knowing A SINGLE SOLITARY SOUL in my new hometown.

I didn't want to think about the fact that I knew nothing about the schools around here.

Or deal with the reality of not having a church family.

Or hello, figure out who would do my hair.

All of these ideas floated around my head when I woke up on October 2, 2010, and stared at those stark white empty walls.

And my response was tears. LOTS OF TEARS.

Paul and I had struggled for years with either his health or the financial fallout from said health. I would BEG God to pull us out, to help Paul heal, to just give us a break.

And then the break came, but it came with a catch.


Really God? Take us away from the very people who have loved us and supported us during our darkest hours? REALLY?

Sometimes it's just better to not ask, because then you end up looking like a big goober questioning a God who wants the best for you. A God who has a better plan than you can ever imagine. AND YET, I still didn't trust his answer. HELLO, KEEP ME HOME.

For several months I struggled. The sadness would sweep over me and I would just cry, "I want to go home."

 BUT it eventually started to get easier.

Sometimes I just had to give myself a reality check, "You know Gretchen, someone somewhere is probably burying a child right now, GET OVER YOURSELF."

And that's exactly what I did, I pulled myself together and started to make a life here...

And three years later, it's a good life.

Three years ago when I awoke to those stark white empty walls, I never imagined myself being able to feel anything but angst for home. So to sit here and type that? Surreal.

I don't generally use my blog to get sappy, I usually stick with the surface stuff and the snark, but tonight I just had to share my heart. A heart that loves a place called Bowling Green, and the people in it. Indiana, and the people there that I love, will of course ALWAYS be my home, but for now, and as long as God calls it, Kentucky is my home too.


pambush said...

This is like reading what I'm going through right now. I have calm - at peace days, and then I have "full of emotion, just let me cry" days.
This too will pass - right?
Thanks for sharing your heart.
By the way, we're very proud of how you've dealt AND that God answered our prayers about bringing you friends in your new area.

Tracey said...

I love you.

Jaime Mac said...

I cannot believe it has been 3 years... wow...
Loved this post...we had a saying in the jewelry biz that fits what you were going through:
You may be down in the pit, just don't decorate... :)

(this was still a funny post...the 'who would do my hair'. C'mon-that's good stuff!)

Lynne and Nick said...

Great post. We had moved from Pittsburgh, PA (7 hours away) to Indiana almost 8 years ago....and the first few days were brutal. I remember crying many hours while unpacking. :) But now, Indiana feels more like home to us. We love the area (except for the allergies!), our friends, our church, and my hair stylist. :)

Susie said...

It's amazing what God puts you through when you pray for something. He always knows the full picture even though we may not like it. It seems that you have adjusted well in Bowling Green. Great post!!

Jessica said...

You are a blessing to many people , in Indiana and Kentucky . :)

Jami said...

Love you!

Gods ways are not our ways.

The Utley Crew said...

I hear ya'!!! I moved when we got married, and holy moly, it was ROUGH!! ;( I've been away for almost 9 years now, and while HOME is always home and I will always miss it, I can't really imagine leaving here now. This will never be home but it is our kids home, this is all they know, we have amazing friends, a great town, wonderful schools, jobs we love, etc. and I really try hard to be so grateful for all of that every day. Glad you enjoy Bowling Green now. I have some friends from college that live there, and they really love it, too.

Brittany said...

Glad God has plans for BG because it meant plans for our friendship too :) Never imagined the cute new girl from Indiana I met in Bible study would be such a dear friend :)

p.s. I like your sappy post... need more of these!! :))))