Times I thought I might die from a fatal dose of embarrassment

Today's blog off post, all about our most embarrassing moments. And while I have had many embarrassing things happen to me, I have two that really stand out.

Picture it. Me, circa 1992, hair as tall as the Chrysler building, makeup as dark as a lady of the night. Sitting in Journalism, with 5 of my friends, talking about all things important in 1992. Boyfriends, tight rolled pants, 90210, dumb teachers, and of course the upcoming prom. My Journalism class was always right after lunch, so of course I had just eaten. Well, the belly was acting up, big time that day. I should have marched my tight tolled pants to the bathroom, but instead I couldn't bring myself to leave. Big mistake. In the midst of the gab fest, I, well, tooted. Dare I say it? I let a fart. And there was NO denying it was me. Believe me, I would have gladly blamed another, but all of my friends looked right at me, and my best friend said, "GRETCHEN!" Seriously, I wanted to d-i-e. I'm not one of those people who gladly lets them rip, I mean I've been married for 9 years, and still wont do that in front of my husband. You guys, toots are just embarrassing. I mean, I can't even say that 'f' word, so I speak about it, as though I'm 4. SO, you see, the high school FART was horrible for me.

My second incident was with my mother at a Wendy's restaurant. (mom you had to know I would tell this story) I was in my 20's, and mom and I had went to lunch that day at Wendy's. The place was packed full of workers on their lunch break. This Wendy's had all their tables pretty close together and you had to kind of squeeze through to even get around. Mom and I had finished lunch, and were heading out. I had ordered a salad that day, and poured red french dressing all over that bad boy, and didn't manage to finish it all. I was carrying my tray with unfinished salad, squeezing my way through all the bodies, when I somehow managed to spill said salad. Not on the floor. Oh no. Nope, I spilled it, all over a man. A man in his white dress shirt, on his work lunch break. And may I add, he was sitting at a table with lots of other people. I just kind of stood there for a second, while I looked at his shirt covered with, lettuce, cheese, croutons, and of course red french dressing. All I knew to do, was to start picking each little peace of lettuce off of him, one at a time, all the while wanting to poof myself into the invisible woman. My mom says it was HILARIOUS to watch me stand there, with my head hung in shame, picking little pieces of cheese off a man. I tried to also wipe the dressing off, but that only made it worse and set it in. I mean REALLY. Luckily for me, he was very nice about it all, because Lord knows he could have been really ugly to me. And also luckily, I never ran into the man again.